~~~ Ewephemisms ~~~



"Sheep Successfully Cloned by Researchers in Scotland!" This recent news that has filled the airwaves of late, prompted my brother to write to me. My brother said, "....reminds me of that old George Jones and Tammy Wynette song, 'Will I still be Lovin' Ewe'? What if two old ewes meet two new ewes? Will they be the same old ewe?" In response, I sent him the items listed below. In response to this list, my brother wrote to me again to relate a conversation he'd had with his wife, to wit: My brother's wife said, "I can understand why he came up with all of those questions, he works at a eweniversity." To which my brother replied, "Yes; I should have known that, especially since I'm a Professor Emeweritus." Hahahahahahaha! I replied that I expected those scientists were feeling pretty sheepish, what with all of the hoopla that had occurred, and that strangely, I had herd the newes from a report on Baaaahrain.

Anyway..... here is a list of comments concerning news of the cloned sheep....

Ewephemisms

What song did the Ames brothers make famous?
Ewe, ewe, ewe, I'm in love with ewe,ewe,ewe...

What cloned sheep has a river named after her?
Ewephrates

Some cloned sheep have an entire nation named for them..
The EweSA

What cloned sheep is named for a famous Russian czar _and_ British actor?
Peter Ewestinov

What is the skin disease most commonly found in cloned sheep?
Eweticaria

How do cloned sheep undermine one another?
They ewesurp

How can you tell a cloned sheep has gone bad?
They become ewesless

How do you know a cloned sheep is incontinent?
They frequently ewerinate; although, sheep incontinence can sometimes be confewesed with a ewerinary tract infection

What's the name of the cloned sheep insurance agency?
EweSAA

When did Lincoln specifically mention cloned sheep?
When he said, "Fourscore and seven ewers ago..."

What is one of the ACT questions for cloned sheep?
Is the newemerator divided by the denominator?

Where do all cloned sheep finally go?
Newefoundland

When can cloned sheep sometimes be irritating?
When they become a newesance

What city jobs do cloned sheep like best?
Working in the sewers

What is the oldest evidence for cloned sheep in the fossil record?
Neweanderthal sheep

While most cloned sheep are Ewenitarian, many prewefer Catholicism or are Episcopalian. Why? They like to geneweflect.

Which cloned sheep are described in mythologewe?
Ewenicorns

Which cloned sheep was emperor of the Roman Empire?
Augustus Cewesar

What mathematical error was made by the cloned sheep, Albert Ewenstein?
He ewesd Ewe=mc2 instead of E=mc2

Which location in California has the most cloned sheep?
Eweba City

Which planet is named for a cloned sheep?
Eweranus - or - is it Jewepiter?

How can you tell that a cloned sheep has died?
There's always a ewelogy


Now, from my brother, Bob, and his lovely partner, ML.

How are leaders of cloned sheep elected?
Ewenanimously

How do you know cloned sheep are happy?
They are ewephoric

If you clone a philosophical sheep what will it search for?
The meaning of the eweniverse

Why do cloned sheep all act the same?
None of them can make a ewenilateral decision

How do you teach young cloned sheep?
Get them to recite in ewenison

Evidence of cloned sheep have been found in Mesopotamia along the Ewephrates River.

If too many sheep were cloned, would they become ewebiquitous?

What does a stylish cloned sheep wear?
Eweniforms, of course

How would Jung account for the dreams of cloned sheep?
He would ascribe it to their eweniversal unconscious

What music is favored by cloned sheep?
Rthym and Blewes; although, some prefer newe age

Of course Christmas is the favorite holiday of cloned sheep. Why?
It is the Eweltide season (some prefer Newe Year's Day)


There are many more as my brother and I write back and forth... but... neither of us wishes to cause you any more pain.... but - if I do decide to tell you more, don't be concerned about your mental health - my 'bro is a clinical psychologist..... he'll know how to help...

I'm really sorry... just can't help it... my brother and I have been talking again... so - here they are..

My friend Rindy asked this one: "What instrument does a cloned sheep play in a symphony orchestra?"
A ewephonium

Which service do cloned sheep use to ship packages?
EwePS

How do cloned sheep let others know that something has been sent via eweps?
They use ewe-mail

Why do things sent by cloned sheep cost twice as much at the destination?
Because they are sent Cloned On Delivery

Why would one clone sheep anyway?
Because of ewegenics

What the lonely shepherd said to his lover:
"Ewe made me love ewe"

What do cloned sheep use to move their belongings?
Ewehaul

When cloned sheep wish to escape to the mountains, which ones are their favorites?
The Ewerals

What do cloned sheep fear most?
Ewethenasia

Where do cloned sheep raise most of their wheat?
In Ewekraine

How do cloned sheep honor one another?
They build monewements to themselves

What generated a cloned sheep in the first place?
I think it was a mewetation?

Which eweniversity do cloned sheep prefer?
UC Berkelewe

What cereal do sheep like best?
Meweslix

How do cloned sheep get sworn in?
Do you promise to tell the treweth, the whole treweth, and nothing but the treweth?

What's required when a cloned sheep is arrested?
Must read them their Meweranda rights.

What did Ricardo Montelban say to the cloned sheep?
Ewe look fabewelous!

Which cloned sheep ate wood chips for breakfast?
Ewell Gibbons

And, the last one.... from ML .... just too good to leave alone... This one is based upon the recent information about the cloning of a monkey...

If you clone a Rhesus monkey - do you get Rhesus pieces?


Book: Don't Touch That Doorknob!

Copyright John C. Brown, Robert C. Brown, Jr., 1997


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